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You are reading this on a screen. You have First World Problems.
First World Problems: 101 Reasons Why The Terrorists Hate Us is a collection of short humorous essays and rants from a man who knows suffering. It is comedy that borders on tragedy.
What are First World Problems?A First World Problem is a trivial issue that afflicts people in wealthier nations declared to be in the “First World.”
Third World Problem “I have to walk three miles to draw water from a dirty well or else I’ll die of dehydration.”
First World Problem “We have nothing to drink in the fridge except filtered tap water.”
Do you have nothing to drink except a limitless supply of tap water?
Have you ever bought so much food at the grocery store that it molded before you could eat it? Did you buy an iPhone one week before the new model was announced?
You’re suffering from First World Problems.
What follows is the graphic account of what it’s like to live in the First World. Tales of unreasonably cold air conditioning, eating to the point of exhaustion, and being unable to enjoy Summer weather due to gainful employment in a bad economy.
Excerpts from First World Problems:
First World Problem: Girl Scout Cookies Box Has Less Cookies Than I Remember:
“…My Tag Alongs barely have cookies to tag along with. Thin mints are anorexic. The Somoas are only some. And I’ve been shorted on the short bread cookies.”
First World Problem: I Didn’t Order My Pizza Online So I Can’t Track It
“…But now? Nothing. Is my pizza being made yet? Is it in the oven? Is it excited to see me? Does it know my name? Does it like watching Cheers reruns as much as I do? Is it wearing a seatbelt in the car? Is it thirsty? Does it like to sing in the shower? Dance like no one is watching? Love like it has never been hurt? To those questions I have no answer.
Instead I’m worrying it will never find me, like a senior citizen who fell down without Life Alert.”
There is nothing funny about my problems except that they are hilarious. Read the book for less than the price of something trivial, like a Mocha, that is slightly more expensive.